A Story

When I was born, I was premature and only 4 lbs. The Doctors put me in an incubator, but told my family that I would not live. I surprised everyone when I passed the threshold and lived to be a strong baby. An elder uncle in the family told my mother that I had a story to share someday, and this was my purpose to living through this nascent struggle. I never knew this fact until I was about 30 years old and my Grandmother shared this knowledge/story with me. Deep inside I can relate this to a test, an ordeal with Death, it actually makes me feel stronger when I think about this fact.

Through my art, I am exploring primal man, ancient art forms and the subconscious archetypes. My goal is to work with past and present culture to find solutions to our problems and help us to understand ourselves through the world of forms. I am a euro-mutt like most americans, but my great grandmother was Huron Indian. I got interested in native american culture because of a series of preternatural dreams in 1999, where I was visited by native elders. I then started reading books on native american ritual and ceremony. My teachers have been the primal markings of the Egyptians, Native Americans, Australian Aborigines, Africans and the Mayans, but also the work of Krishnamurti, Joseph Campbell, Alan Watts and Carl Jung. World famous artists that have been my mentors by the visual image are Picasso, Anselm Keiffer, Marcel DuChamp, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Jackson Pollock and Damien Hirst. And the philosopher’s Plato and Nietzsche. My goal: I want to fuse primal culture and high-art.

Between Spring 1999 and Winter 2001 I had a period of intense dreams and visions. One of the most profound stories from this time, I was in Joshua Tree in the early Summer of 2001. I had gone out to camp and be by myself for 4 days, to relax, to meditate in nature, to be in a place that I had heard was a sacred place. I don’t know how or from whom it was sacred, maybe the emotional U2 album cover, maybe something from a movie. But I did have a few days in silence, I had camped very far out and had no contact with anyone, only my thoughts and nature. On my 3rd night out there, I had just finished cleaning up after having dinner and I had pulled by sleeping bag out of the tent so that I could just lay back and look at the desert night sky. As I was lying there, this strange thing happened, the wind which was kicking up quite strongly had all of a sudden completely stopped, so still and silent that I had thought that I had gone deaf. I then felt this strange pull, a tug coming from my gut and something in the sky caught my attention. There was a star that was glowing and flickering more than the others, and as I watched, it became brighter, and the pull in my stomach became more prominent. And as I looked, the star turned into a small flame, it was as if you had a photograph of the night sky and then put a lighter behind the photo. This flame was burning a hole on the backside of the sky. Then I felt this incredible dug in my belly and the flame became light and a bridge formed between me and the godhead in the sky. I then walked the desert for the next 6 hours, not sure where I was, who I was; feeling like I had died, feeling maybe I was in limbo. I was sad, because I felt I was not finished, I did not accomplish all I had set out to do, I did not say goodbye to my loved ones and friends. I walked the desert in the moonlight; Looking at nature, looking at life, in all its splendor, the magic trees, and curious animals, the busy insects, feeling the rock and dirt beneath my feet, feeling the support, watching the totemic figures in the rocks watching me, perhaps blessing me. I was exhausted and decided to walk back to my tent to lay down and write some poetry. I think that I was there for maybe half an hour in the tent when something outside caught my attention; This brightness had appeared behind the mountain and seemed to grow. It became bigger and more defined and slowly became form. This large ominous being of great magnitude appeared like a giant demon 1,000 feet tall and coming directly at me, walking up the mountain, towards me. I couldn’t move. And as the beast moved closer it shifted form again into a cressant moon moving up from behind the mountain on the horizon. I a year later saw the anime “Princess Mononoke” and recognized the being in the film, which was the same being I saw in Joshua Tree coming up the mountain, it was the Spirit Walker. The next morning after these great visions, and let me state that I was completely sober, these large visions to me represented the Phoenix, Samsara, the cycle of birth, life, death and rebirth. I was allowed, blessed to witness, see, hear, feel this in my one experience. And as I drove back to my home in LA, I started to feel more, this flow. I decided to drive all the way to the ocean when I got to LA, the ocean was the archetype of climbing back into the primordial, the womb.